Ramblings from The Rabbit Hole

Intimacy, Fucking & Relationships.

So as I wait here on set waiting for my cast to get through makeup and hair and out of the trailer I might as well write a little something that’s been on my mind for a bit. 

I find that intimacy in relationships exists in many forms. For some relationships I have had, we have fucked and it was close but maybe not as close as it should have been. I think we distance ourselves somewhat from true intimacy during sex and just in general…always afraid that we might get hurt. From our past significant others no matter the outcome we are always afraid to let ourselves go even if it just feels right or just perfect. This in a sense causes us to carry our past with us into the future. And maybe somewhat hindering our next relationship. 

I have found recently that true intimacy, closeness, of two human bodies literally together and figuratively is the the best feeling. When two souls are open to one another and ready to possibly love it can be the best feeling in the world. 

I think living in the city of lost souls which is Los Angeles, people never commit in this damn city and always keeping a certain distance from their partner even when under a title of “boyfriend/girlfriend”..but when you ultimately just let it all go and believe in what you have and trust that this could possibly be better than the next…it is truly…MAGIC!

I love being as close as I can with the person I am with, physically and emotionally because in the best way they truly become your equal….your partner. 

We should all be open to the possibilities of great things coming our way in life and love and try not to let the shit of the past hinder our futures. 

Have a great day everyone. 

C. Jameson

“Half of Something Else”- Breaking down the themes and values of my first film.

So as I wait patiently for the first cut of my film to be completed I focus my time on the two other projects that I will complete in the next month. While also reflecting on how my first film sets the tone of all my future projects to come. 

Both of which express the loneliness that we all feel even in relationships and without and the deep seeded fucked up shit that happens in the City of Lost Souls aka Los Angeles.

In my personal life I have struggled in relationships that have lasted months to years. I know that I can lose interest quickly and I have deep seeded commitment issues, yet I always still try and find that one that could possibly be the love of my life. But as crazy as this sounds is there one particular person that is the “one” for us? 

That I am still trying to decipher but as of right now in my life. I have loved many and truly am grateful for the people that have come into my life, from friends to lovers. 

In my film the main character “Adam” goes to see the love of his life “Katherine” the night before gets married. He expresses his love for her in a last ditch effort to win her back. 

The moments that lead up to the dramatic finale are the things I have struggled with since ending my last big relationship almost four years ago. In a sense we always want something we cannot have, and we find this deep seeded connection with this particular person, thinking we will not be able to continue life without them. When in reality we can, it just takes a shit load of time to get over but one beautiful day, those feelings of loss and loneliness drift away as you continue to search for the new love. 

Some are lucky, some are blessed with finding that one amazing person that they can spend the rest of their lives with. Others like myself, are jaded thinking we will never love again, we will get married multiple times, will we even get married? Do we want to get married? Who the fuck knows and honestly I’m not the one to give advice. But I know that out of all the bullshit and my own scripts of loss and heartbreak, I still look for the one that can make me throw all those fucking questions and insecurities out the window. because in the end IT WON’T FUCKING MATTER!!! If we are still worried about that shit when we are it, then why are we in it…LET IT ALL JUST HAPPEN!!!

My film “Half of Something Else” is not what I had originally planned to make but somehow it turned into something much more. It turned into my visual manifesto, that will set the tones and themes for all my projects in years to come.

I couldn’t be happier to have this piece under my belt and I thank all the wonderful actors and crew members for their hard work and support especially during this grueling post production process. 

I know I made a good film and I hope that someday soon, you can all see the hard work that was put into it. The blood, sweat, and tears are shown on screen and I know that everyone will relate to this. Until then…stay true to yourself and your arms open to new people and opportunities. 

Yours, 

C. Jameson

Another post about EVOL or “Love”

So as I lay here trying to fall asleep when I have to back at work at 7…I think to myself about the topic of…”ASSUMTIONS” or to “ASSUME.”Remember because if you “assume” you are making an “ass of u an me.” First off who came up with that piece of shit?!

I bring up the this topic when it comes to relationships. Why do we assume that are significant other/girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/whatever is doing something behind our back. Is it in our nature to just go crazy on what we might think is going on with another person? Why do we feel the need to track every person’s move when you suspect them of cheating? But wait, are they really cheating? 

Yes, I think for us to assume is definitely wrong, but honesty their is nothing we can fucking do about it. It’s in our nature….sadly. We try to trust and believe people are who they say are and do what they they say they do…but do we ever fucking know and will we…we would hope. But the truth, over time we get to know each other and sometimes and actually most often…do we really “actually” know that person in the end? I think the best thing to do is love the person for who they are and once were and be grateful for who they are with you and the time you have together. It may or may not last, and whatever time you had should not be wasted on false information but what you know is “True” in your heart and mind. 

In conclusion…life and love…a fucking rollercoaster! Scary, Happy, Excited, Disappointed, Heartbroken…either way it’s a fuckin’ ride.

The bitch that is love. 

As I sit here wrapped up in treatments, scripts, budgets, etc. for projects I’m working on, all I can think about is the crazy, chaotic, and confusing game of love that we are engulfed in in some way or the other. Yes, our families, friends, pets, and all that love us but what plagues me tonight is the romantic love that we share between that special someone or for some…multiple people.

For some our hearts may belong to one as it thinks of another. Or maybe one heart is devoted more so than the other or in some rare occasions two people so in love that their devotion for one another is almost sickening but no matter what, that is the love we all long for, even if it is not currently within our grasp.  

I am in the midst of writing a new script and digging up old loves from the past and piecing together a story that is heartbreaking and somewhat lonely, as most of my work reflects. 

I sit here and think of old loves and the people I have loved in that way and the people in my life now who I could possibly grow to love to that degree in the future. Or without giving anything away the people or person I love at this very moment. 

I can truthfully say that the phrase ‘I love you’ does not come easy for me. To me it is said to that one person, your partner, your significant other that you could possibly share the rest of your life with. I’ve only said that phrase to 3 women in my life so far that could have been the one, but alas at almost 27 years old none of those women are no where near that position in my life. It saddened me in the past but now I look to happier times with new and exciting people that could possibly be that particular one. Don’t get me wrong I am in no rush to get married or to have children right now…but someday.

Right now I just want to let my feelings grow for someone that I want and that genuinely wants me back. Where conversation between the two of you does not go stagnant or awkward but in the direction of comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company. Where your heart skips a beat when they walk in the room or utter a single word in your direction. Where butterflies still occupy your stomach before an evening out with them. 

Right now this type of love, this romantic love, could possibly be showing a few remnants in my soul. But I am still discovering what it is or can be. My heart wants to find only one to love even though it has had it’s fair share of lovers. 

Only time will tell where this jaded and broken heart will end up or with whom, but what I do know is that love could be right around the corner, or within some one we already know somewhere in our lives. 

We have all been hurt and there is no guarantee we won’t be again but if you believe in love, if you think you have found the one to commit to and who might possibly share those words with, don’t hold them back but let them out into the world. 

If you are with one but love another, don’t lie to yourself and think that the one your longing for will feel the same again or even be accessible to you again. Never settle just think of the great person you have in front of you. 

With that I yield to my next point: Accessibility.

Distance can somewhat be a killer in relationships new and old and even career’s play a big role in our decision to choose a partner. Long Distance relationships are hard to overcome, and it takes a very strong person to be confident enough to trust your spouse in all they say they are doing. Your faced with longing and loneliness, wanting to see this person every minute that you can. 

Would it be fair to yourself and the other person to just choose someone closer to one another or do you feel this desire to stick it out with the one you possibly could love and begin a future with. What if it goes horribly wrong and the distance drives you to regret and anger. How do we know which way to go?

We don’t. We follow everything but our heart sometimes opting for the logical conclusions instead of the ones driven by passion. We are so quick to let things go making sure we do not get hurt. I take this next part from a Bright Eyes song. 

But life’s no story book 
Love’s an excuse to get hurt 
And to hurt 
“Do you like to hurt?” 
“I do! I do!”
“Then hurt me.”

No one wants to get hurt but sometimes it’s just the nature of this evil beast we call love. I wish the best for all of us stuck in the depths of this…will we make it out alive…sure…will we want to…that depends. 

Go forth in the direction of your dreams and hope that one love finds you or you find it. We all deserve it and each and every one of us needs it. 

Give into The Devil of love, and let it do to you what it will. What else do we have to lose, by this time we have already lost so much. 

Goodnight. 

I hate people who write off other people’s talents just because of their taste in movies. I left film-school for that very reason. The first thing the teacher told us was “If you want to make Terminator 2, leave now” and I was like, fuck you man. There could be a kid sat in the corner disheartened because Terminator 2 is the movie he wants to make, that’s his vision and here’s the teacher telling him he can’t do that. He had no fucking right, none of us do. Besides, I think Terminator 2 is a pretty kick-ass movie.

—Paul Thomas Anderson (via rossbirks)

(via desuko)

Everyone that knows me, knows that this is my Superbowl. I drop everything I’m doing and focus my attention on the industry’s biggest night. Yes, it is a show and frankly the academy has some crazy ideas especially not nominating key players in 2010 (ahem, Christopher Nolan for Best Director). But politics aside this night is fun and it’s wonderful to see great films and the talented individuals behind them get what they deserve. Below are my picks for this year’s Oscar’s telecast. My own personal belief is that Inception should win Best Picture but the night will go to either The Kings Speech or The Social Network, one of these fine pictures will walk away will walk away with a lot or maybe there will be upsets. Either way I’m excited for the possibilities. We’ll just have to see. See you at the movies.   Nominees for the 83rd Academy Awards Actor in a Leading Role Javier Bardem in “Biutiful” Jeff Bridges in “True Grit” Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network” Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech” (MY PICK) James Franco in “127 Hours” Actor in a Supporting Role Christian Bale in “The Fighter” (TIE) John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone” Jeremy Renner in “The Town” Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right” Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech” (TIE) Actress in a Leading Role Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right” Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole” (MY PICK) Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone” Natalie Portman in “Black Swan” Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine” Actress in a Supporting Role Amy Adams in “The Fighter” Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech” Melissa Leo in “The Fighter” (MY PICK) Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit” Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom” Animated Feature Film “How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois “The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet “Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich (MY PICK) Art Direction “Alice in Wonderland” Production Design: Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1” Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan “Inception” Production Design: Guy Hendrix Dyas; Set Decoration: Larry Dias and Doug Mowat “The King’s Speech” Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Judy Farr (MY PICK) “True Grit” Production Design: Jess Gonchor; Set Decoration: Nancy Haigh Cinematography “Black Swan” Matthew Libatique (MY PICK) “Inception” Wally Pfister “The King’s Speech” Danny Cohen “The Social Network” Jeff Cronenweth “True Grit” Roger Deakins Costume Design “Alice in Wonderland” Colleen Atwood “I Am Love” Antonella Cannarozzi “The King’s Speech” Jenny Beavan (MY PICK) “The Tempest” Sandy Powell “True Grit” Mary Zophres Directing “Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky “The Fighter” David O. Russell “The King’s Speech” Tom Hooper (MY PICK) “The Social Network” David Fincher “True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen Documentary (Feature) “Exit through the Gift Shop” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz (MY PICK) “Gasland” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic “Inside Job” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs “Restrepo” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger “Waste Land” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley Foreign Language Film “Biutiful” Mexico (MY PICK) “Dogtooth” Greece “In a Better World” Denmark “Incendies” Canada “Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi)” Algeria Music (Original Score) “How to Train Your Dragon” John Powell “Inception” Hans Zimmer (MY PICK) “The King’s Speech” Alexandre Desplat “127 Hours” A.R. Rahman “The Social Network” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross Best Picture “Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers “The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers “Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers (MY PICK) “The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers “The King’s Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers “127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers “The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers “Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer “True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers “Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers Writing (Adapted Screenplay) “127 Hours” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy “The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin (MY PICK) “Toy Story 3” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich “True Grit” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen “Winter’s Bone” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini Writing (Original Screenplay) “Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh “The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson “Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan (TIE) “The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg “The King’s Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler (TIE)

Everyone that knows me, knows that this is my Superbowl. I drop everything I’m doing and focus my attention on the industry’s biggest night. Yes, it is a show and frankly the academy has some crazy ideas especially not nominating key players in 2010 (ahem, Christopher Nolan for Best Director). But politics aside this night is fun and it’s wonderful to see great films and the talented individuals behind them get what they deserve. Below are my picks for this year’s Oscar’s telecast. My own personal belief is that Inception should win Best Picture but the night will go to either The Kings Speech or The Social Network, one of these fine pictures will walk away will walk away with a lot or maybe there will be upsets. Either way I’m excited for the possibilities. We’ll just have to see. See you at the movies.  

Nominees for the 83rd Academy Awards

Actor in a Leading Role

  • Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
  • Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
  • Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
  • Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech” (MY PICK)
  • James Franco in “127 Hours”
Actor in a Supporting Role
  • Christian Bale in “The Fighter” (TIE)
  • John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone”
  • Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
  • Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
  • Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech” (TIE)
Actress in a Leading Role
  • Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
  • Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole” (MY PICK)
  • Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”
  • Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
  • Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”
Actress in a Supporting Role
  • Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
  • Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”
  • Melissa Leo in “The Fighter” (MY PICK)
  • Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
  • Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”
Animated Feature Film
  • “How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
  • “The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet
  • “Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich (MY PICK)
Art Direction
  • “Alice in Wonderland” 
    Production Design: Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara
  • “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1” 
    Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan
  • “Inception” 
    Production Design: Guy Hendrix Dyas; Set Decoration: Larry Dias and Doug Mowat
  • “The King’s Speech” 
    Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Judy Farr (MY PICK)
  • “True Grit” 
    Production Design: Jess Gonchor; Set Decoration: Nancy Haigh
Cinematography
  • “Black Swan” Matthew Libatique (MY PICK)
  • “Inception” Wally Pfister
  • “The King’s Speech” Danny Cohen
  • “The Social Network” Jeff Cronenweth
  • “True Grit” Roger Deakins
Costume Design
  • “Alice in Wonderland” Colleen Atwood
  • “I Am Love” Antonella Cannarozzi
  • “The King’s Speech” Jenny Beavan (MY PICK)
  • “The Tempest” Sandy Powell
  • “True Grit” Mary Zophres
Directing
  • “Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky
  • “The Fighter” David O. Russell
  • “The King’s Speech” Tom Hooper (MY PICK)
  • “The Social Network” David Fincher
  • “True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
Documentary (Feature)
  • “Exit through the Gift Shop” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz (MY PICK)
  • “Gasland” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic
  • “Inside Job” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
  • “Restrepo” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger
  • “Waste Land” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley
Foreign Language Film
  • “Biutiful” Mexico (MY PICK)
  • “Dogtooth” Greece
  • “In a Better World” Denmark
  • “Incendies” Canada
  • “Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi)” Algeria
Music (Original Score)
  • “How to Train Your Dragon” John Powell
  • “Inception” Hans Zimmer (MY PICK)
  • “The King’s Speech” Alexandre Desplat
  • “127 Hours” A.R. Rahman
  • “The Social Network” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
Best Picture
  • “Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
  • “The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
  • “Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers (MY PICK)
  • “The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
  • “The King’s Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
  • “127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
  • “The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
  • “Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
  • “True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
  • “Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
  • “127 Hours” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
  • “The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin (MY PICK)
  • “Toy Story 3” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
  • “True Grit” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
  • “Winter’s Bone” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini
Writing (Original Screenplay)
  • “Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh
  • “The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; 
    Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
  • “Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan (TIE)
  • “The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
  • “The King’s Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler (TIE)

I believe ‘LUCK’ is on my side. It’s a new day a new week. Yesterday is the past and today is the present and I can only look towards the future. I will find the financing I need to shoot my passion project in the next couple months. I will travel more than ever this year. This time next year my team and I will be getting ready for Sundance 2012. The endless possibilities and new hopes and dreams are the things that keep me going. I’m a dreamer and will always be one, even with my destructive passenger by my side. Positive Thinking, Not Drinking.

I believe ‘LUCK’ is on my side. It’s a new day a new week. Yesterday is the past and today is the present and I can only look towards the future. I will find the financing I need to shoot my passion project in the next couple months. I will travel more than ever this year. This time next year my team and I will be getting ready for Sundance 2012. The endless possibilities and new hopes and dreams are the things that keep me going. I’m a dreamer and will always be one, even with my destructive passenger by my side.

Positive Thinking, Not Drinking.