Ramblings from The Rabbit Hole

Intimacy, Fucking & Relationships.

So as I wait here on set waiting for my cast to get through makeup and hair and out of the trailer I might as well write a little something that’s been on my mind for a bit. 

I find that intimacy in relationships exists in many forms. For some relationships I have had, we have fucked and it was close but maybe not as close as it should have been. I think we distance ourselves somewhat from true intimacy during sex and just in general…always afraid that we might get hurt. From our past significant others no matter the outcome we are always afraid to let ourselves go even if it just feels right or just perfect. This in a sense causes us to carry our past with us into the future. And maybe somewhat hindering our next relationship. 

I have found recently that true intimacy, closeness, of two human bodies literally together and figuratively is the the best feeling. When two souls are open to one another and ready to possibly love it can be the best feeling in the world. 

I think living in the city of lost souls which is Los Angeles, people never commit in this damn city and always keeping a certain distance from their partner even when under a title of “boyfriend/girlfriend”..but when you ultimately just let it all go and believe in what you have and trust that this could possibly be better than the next…it is truly…MAGIC!

I love being as close as I can with the person I am with, physically and emotionally because in the best way they truly become your equal….your partner. 

We should all be open to the possibilities of great things coming our way in life and love and try not to let the shit of the past hinder our futures. 

Have a great day everyone. 

C. Jameson

“Half of Something Else”- Breaking down the themes and values of my first film.

So as I wait patiently for the first cut of my film to be completed I focus my time on the two other projects that I will complete in the next month. While also reflecting on how my first film sets the tone of all my future projects to come. 

Both of which express the loneliness that we all feel even in relationships and without and the deep seeded fucked up shit that happens in the City of Lost Souls aka Los Angeles.

In my personal life I have struggled in relationships that have lasted months to years. I know that I can lose interest quickly and I have deep seeded commitment issues, yet I always still try and find that one that could possibly be the love of my life. But as crazy as this sounds is there one particular person that is the “one” for us? 

That I am still trying to decipher but as of right now in my life. I have loved many and truly am grateful for the people that have come into my life, from friends to lovers. 

In my film the main character “Adam” goes to see the love of his life “Katherine” the night before gets married. He expresses his love for her in a last ditch effort to win her back. 

The moments that lead up to the dramatic finale are the things I have struggled with since ending my last big relationship almost four years ago. In a sense we always want something we cannot have, and we find this deep seeded connection with this particular person, thinking we will not be able to continue life without them. When in reality we can, it just takes a shit load of time to get over but one beautiful day, those feelings of loss and loneliness drift away as you continue to search for the new love. 

Some are lucky, some are blessed with finding that one amazing person that they can spend the rest of their lives with. Others like myself, are jaded thinking we will never love again, we will get married multiple times, will we even get married? Do we want to get married? Who the fuck knows and honestly I’m not the one to give advice. But I know that out of all the bullshit and my own scripts of loss and heartbreak, I still look for the one that can make me throw all those fucking questions and insecurities out the window. because in the end IT WON’T FUCKING MATTER!!! If we are still worried about that shit when we are it, then why are we in it…LET IT ALL JUST HAPPEN!!!

My film “Half of Something Else” is not what I had originally planned to make but somehow it turned into something much more. It turned into my visual manifesto, that will set the tones and themes for all my projects in years to come.

I couldn’t be happier to have this piece under my belt and I thank all the wonderful actors and crew members for their hard work and support especially during this grueling post production process. 

I know I made a good film and I hope that someday soon, you can all see the hard work that was put into it. The blood, sweat, and tears are shown on screen and I know that everyone will relate to this. Until then…stay true to yourself and your arms open to new people and opportunities. 

Yours, 

C. Jameson

Another post about EVOL or “Love”

So as I lay here trying to fall asleep when I have to back at work at 7…I think to myself about the topic of…”ASSUMTIONS” or to “ASSUME.”Remember because if you “assume” you are making an “ass of u an me.” First off who came up with that piece of shit?!

I bring up the this topic when it comes to relationships. Why do we assume that are significant other/girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/whatever is doing something behind our back. Is it in our nature to just go crazy on what we might think is going on with another person? Why do we feel the need to track every person’s move when you suspect them of cheating? But wait, are they really cheating? 

Yes, I think for us to assume is definitely wrong, but honesty their is nothing we can fucking do about it. It’s in our nature….sadly. We try to trust and believe people are who they say are and do what they they say they do…but do we ever fucking know and will we…we would hope. But the truth, over time we get to know each other and sometimes and actually most often…do we really “actually” know that person in the end? I think the best thing to do is love the person for who they are and once were and be grateful for who they are with you and the time you have together. It may or may not last, and whatever time you had should not be wasted on false information but what you know is “True” in your heart and mind. 

In conclusion…life and love…a fucking rollercoaster! Scary, Happy, Excited, Disappointed, Heartbroken…either way it’s a fuckin’ ride.